Amidah: Refaeinu 3/4/10 Part Eight
Transcribed and prepared by Chava Janovsky: Review of Teshuva before Refuah:What would you daven for in teshuvah? What are you asking from Hashem?
No that is selicha
We spoke about this – The bracha of teshuvah is that there is a special gift: you know that whatever you do, whatever your hishtadlus, then there is a response in kind.
The Shaarei Teshuva says: there is a special gift of teshuvah. The minute there is desire for teshuvah, Hashem will empower that desire to turn it into real histadlus.
This is why the bracha about teshuvah is expressed as desire….
The key to teshuvah : daven that everyone should want to do teshuvah and to completely restore and repair relationship to Hashem. This tefillah is for everyone, including you.It is not that everyone should be frum; it is that everyone should want to restore and repair the relationship with Hashem. This understanding automatically means not thinking “oy I am bad.” Those words are a statmement about you. Teshuvah is about Hashem. There is a big difference between “oy I am bad” and focusing on Hashem.
This understanding is why Rambam beings hilchos teshuvah with: “all mitzvahs in the Torah….” He just discusses Hashem. He doesn’t discuss you and what you need to fix. He discusses what damage you did to Hashem’s world
Therefore the bracha of teshuvah is: “I need to repair the damage I caused to Your world.”
Class: What was Rav Noach’s equivalent to tikkun Chatzos?
60 seconds – he said once a day should sit down for 60 seconds and experience Hashem’s pain that so many Jews are distant from Him – that qualifies as tikkun chatzos
What is the 1st level of selicha you need? To forgive yourself.The first thing is that you need to be able to forgive yourself. Is it difficult to walk around as see people who need to forgive selves? No, unfortunately it is very easy. All you need to do is before aware of it and see how all day long see people who feel guilty and are clopping themselves on the head because they feel they made a mistake. Just be aware of this experience all around you all day and when get to this bracha you will be successful; when get to this bracha you will be fantastic.
What do you want when get to this bracha? Think carefully: what are asking for in geula –
- It not mashiac, mashiach is later.
- It is not tzaddikim, tzaddikim are later.
- It is not leaders – these are all later in hasheva shoftani.
- It is not to gather all together from 4 corners of earth – that is 10th bracha.
So for what are you davening for in geula? For release from all our inner struggles
So this bracha is not just that everyone should be able to access cure that already exists for them.
And not just that everyone should be able to rebuild lives as they recover and the members of their family recover from the illness.
This bracha is to be able to look into the future with hope. Remember that we said that a baby’s first experience of Hashem in a mitzvah is the refua of bris mila. A baby’s first experience of Hashem is as a rofei. Therefore refua is forward looking; that’s why it follows geula
Rachaman vs. Ne’eaman – Compassionate vs. Reliable
What is more important to you – that a rofei is compassionate or reliable?
Many people in the class say Rachaman…
I am sorry to tell you this but you daven Ashkenaz and you saysne’eman first. For whatever reason you guys speak about Hashem as a ne’eman before a rachaman. In contrast the Ari switched it and puts rachaman before ne’eman.
What is the difference between a ne’eman and a Rachaman in the davening?
Class: the ne’eman might be cold, the rachaman might be compassionate but he might not show –up.
Class: Rachaman also needs to have faith
Class: you need both
Class: need someone with skill
Class: you are talking about the doctor? It is Hashem that has to be reliable and the doctor has to be compassionate but in the end it is not the doctor doing the healing – Hashem is doing the healing?
Answer: We are speaking about Hashem. So in Hashem what do you look for first? What are you thinking about when asking Hashem for the refua? When you are asking Hashem, do you want Hashem as ne’eman or rachaman?. Whatever issues you raised with ne’eman will not apply to Hashem
Class: ne’eman . Because when asking for refua Hashem might be as kind as anything but may not be reliable and give you a refua – might not answer your prayer?
Answer: He is a reliable healer
Class: I thought you meant rachaman
So which would you think. Think. Everyone in this room has davened for someone who is ill. Were you addressing Hashem as ne’eman or rachman?
So why do you put ne’eman first? For me I would agree rachaman. But just because Ari has different nusach doesn’t mean yours is wrong. It is just a different approach. You say: deah , bina, v;chaskal. You are going up. Whereas in the Ari it says chochma, bina, daas; it is going down in nusach Ari –
I may make fun of it but if the nusach puts in this orderit means that people sat and thought about it and they felt ne’eman is more important that rachaman.
Class: that is like before Shema- Kail, Melech, Neeman
Class: we said goes higher as goes through from first thing mentioned to later things mentioned so rachaaman is higher
Anwer: Because the whole Ashkenaz approach: if understand this and must know this in order to understand how siddour works. There is literally a totally different mechanism for design of each nusach. For Ashkenaz it always goes from lower and builds on it
So in Shema we say “Kal Melech, Neeman.” So what does this mean? Why say it before Shema? Because in Shema Hashem will be asking us to love Hashem . You can’t love completely unless you know the one you love is reliable. So therefore begin with reliability.
I have to feel comfortable davening to You. I have to feel You are a reliable rofei . For now, for the healing, for the softening of the pain, and for accessing the refua that already exists. Because if you are not a ne’eman I can’t begin to say “refaianu Hashem v’nerafaei…”… “heal us and give us the ability to access the refua.” If I don’t believe He is a ne’eman then I don’t believe the refua already exists. If this is the case then there is no point in davening. It is after this belief that then you have to ask for it to be done in a rachameen way; because believe me there are ways that you can be healed that are not rachama
Class: second bracha focusing on ne’eman already…
Answer: No, that is totally shevach, this is not shevach. This is creating the context of my request. This bracha is when I remind yourself why I am davening to You. It is an unbelievable thing: have to be able to say this is why I am davening to you. Because when you say to Hashem this is why I am davening to you that gives you the right to make the request. This is what Meiri says.